21 days in, 10 days out.

finally, the numbers are starting to look a little bit more manageable. but you see, here is the thing, the numbers simply indicate one more step towards resolution, knowledge, or a decision- if any of that makes sense.
one thing that is important to realize, and for me to recognize is the fact that these 31 days of no contact do not have a known outcome. they can really go one of three ways:
1. blessings can be given and thoughts/feelings can match. what does this look like? well, the first part is pretty obvious: we are given the go-ahead. this too can take two paths (both i believe ending up in the same place.
     a. blessing is given based on a personal decision by her father.
     b. blessing is given based on the premise that the Lord's will shall be done, and whether or not
         confirmation has been given of any kind.
2. both people involved come to a different conclusion about the outcome. although over the last 21 days my original beliefs and feelings have not only remained the same, but grown- it is important to realize that as she and i have not spoken in the last 3 weeks, that she may not be in the same place. although i have a few different hints as to what is running through her head, and cannot be absolutely clear, and therefore have to prepare myself for this outcome, since if she decides to walk away- my discussion with her father is then made irrelevant, null and void.
3. the call is made by her father that his previously stated personal belief stands. in which case the next step is to pursue him further, but will be the case.

now i think it is pretty clear which outcomes i'm hoping for (1,3,2 if you don't know me at all), but i've spent a lot of time on here explaining what could happen, without spending much time describing what my thoughts are....
"We can stop pleading with God to show us the future, & start living & obeying like we are confident that He holds the future."  - Kevin DeYoung
for me, i believe that this quote from his book "just do something" is pretty clear in its meaning. Just do something. "Love God, do as you please." - St. Augustine
now i understand that these quotes can come across as pretty pretty new agey, but if you evaluate them, are they really? lets compare potential mates to something else for a second. cars for example. a car is a pretty important decision, as it affects not only your financial situation, but your well being, and also your ability to do certain things.
when you set out to purchase a vehicle, you look for certain criteria.  you know you need 7 seats. you want it to be safe. you want leather, heated seats, bluetooth, navigation, reliability, and you want this car to be blue and cost less than $10,000. now, in this particular scenario, you find three vehicles with all of those particular features and cost. in fact, all three vehicles are the EXACT same in specifications. they all cost the same. they all have the same features. they look a little bit different, but every single thing you were looking for is there, and no particular one has more features than another. so which one does the Lord want you to pick?


now this is where a lot of people would answer "well, i'd have to pray about it first." granted, i agree with that. i believe that the Lord often shows us an answer through one scenario being different or more favorable than another. but we have already established that every single one of the vehicles is the same. so what do you do? stare at one of them until the right one speaks?
No.
you pick one.
you know that all three of them would in a technical sense be "God honoring" (not choosing a sports car that would leave you unable to help with the kids, keep the safe, or bleed your bank account dry [choosing to be responsible with the money the Lord has held you responsible for])
you make a decision.
"Love God, and do as you please."
Now if God has not clearly stated that one particular person is wrong for you. what do you do?
if you have established that the relationship is mature, God honoring, beneficial, and challenges you both to grow, make a decision. 
go for it. take a step.


my step? i'm completely in love with the girl. not a doubt in my mind. i know the relationship is mature, God honoring, beneficial, and challenges us both to grow. 
so, i'm all in. on september 9th, Lord willing, i'll know for sure whether she is as well.

so here we are...

...9 days later. its been a tough 9 days. really tough. and i know the next 21.5 will be just as much so. but i've learned a lot in this long week +.

a lot about trust. patience. faith. endurance. humility and wisdom. im in love. the time spent apart, whether you can call it voluntary or involuntary is simply the will of the Lord. no action is taken against one (or two) of His own that is not directly or indirectly ordained by Him. chose for a purpose, or allowed for the same. in the book of Job, God clearly shows many things through suffering. one, that His purpose is brought forth regardless of how exactly it is done. Satan is allowed by God to do anything and everything He wants to Job. everything, that is, except for take his life. there are so many lessons we learn from this, and far more that Job did. but a big part of what he learned was that at the end of the day, the Lord was His strength, and his foundation. and when everything, and i mean EVERYTHING, fell apart- the Lord is precisely who he held on to.

that being said, i'm learning the same thing. i'm doing better, i'm growing. do i miss her any less? nope. i miss her more than i could ever imagine. i'm more in love with her than i ever have been. and continue to be more so every day. and because of that, there really is only one resolution. to continue fighting to trust in Him, the one who holds my futre, the one who has gone before me, the one who was, is, and always will be.

i'm exhausted, this might be a little scattered. if so, i apologize.

chandler.

"for i can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me." phillipians 4:13

29 more.

chandler.

full day 1

i don't even know what to say. wow my heart aches.
choosing to trust you Lord. you are faithful.
29 days.

hopefully something of more substance to be written later...


chandler.

• God promised Abram and Sarai a child, but they had to wait 25 years to get him.
• God promised Noah there would be a flood, but it was a long time coming.
• God made Jacob wait 14 years to get the wife he wanted.²¹
• Joseph had to wait a considerable time to see his father and family, and he did not get back home until after his death (they carried his bones back to the promised land).
• The Israelites had to wait 430 years in Egypt, before returning to the promised land.
• The writer to the Hebrews tells us that all the Old Testament saints had to wait for us (Gentiles?) before they could see the promised kingdom (Hebrews 11:39-40).
• For 2,000 years, saints have been waiting for the Lord's return and the coming of His Kingdom.

tonight is a battle. 30 days now. Lord give me peace.

So thankful for people like Greg and Cristy Claxton, one of the most Godly, wise, understanding, and inspiring people i have ever met.

Thank you Lord for putting people in my life constant to encourage, quick to bring observation, and wise enough to ask hard questions.

chandler.

trust and patience, day 1.

i'm not really sure whether or not this will be read, followed, or even seen. but i'll be writing at least once a day over the next 31 days hoping that maybe it helps at least someone, and if not- simply for therapeutic purposes. i'm still in shock, so i don't know how much of this will make sense, but if you'd like, bare with me over the next few weeks as i find out what exactly the future holds.

this will simply be a blog of my prayers, thoughts, revelations, and beliefs as i explore God's plan for my life, i hope that maybe you find it encouraging....

so here it goes. 31 days. God, give me trust, humility, strength, and perseverance. help me to "pray without ceasing."

tonight, seeking counsel from one of the most inspiring couples i know... more to come later.

chandler.